


Roadtrip

by DellaMoore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, M/M, Modern Era, Smut, clueless idiots, really its about time they got their shit together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-27
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-06-04 21:39:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6676345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DellaMoore/pseuds/DellaMoore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Maurauders have come to the states for the summer and are traveling across the country to celebrate graduating high school. There's parties, drinking, music, and fun but not everything is going smoothly between Sirius and Remus. They both have secrets they're keeping from their friends. Can they come to terms with their feelings or will it spell disaster for their friendship. There will be depression, illness, self doubt/hatred, and mentions of past abuse so don't read if those are triggers</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Adventure

Remus adjusted the earbuds in his ears before settling into the seat, pretending to be asleep so as not to talk to the rambunctious boys around him. He loved his friends and couldn’t wait for their summer abroad, but he’d dealt with a lot of things in the last few days that he needed to think over before telling his friends. Eventually, the boys settled down and Sirius sprawled across the seats with his legs over James’ lap and his head resting on Remus’ legs. He did doze off after a while and was woken up by the landing announcement.

“Moony!” Sirius shouted when he was shoved off his friends lap. Nearby neighbors glared at the loud boy, likely looking forward to getting off the plane and as far from the youths as possible. Remus sighed

“Get up, Pads.” Remus sighed. “We’re landing.”

Sirius pouted, “I was sleeping!”

“Well we’re landing, so put on your seatbelt.” Sirius followed the instruction while he huffed under his breath, his long black hair sticking up oddly. Peter was sneaking candy from his pockets and James wasn't paying attention to anything aside from his phone. Remus reached over, snatching the phone and switching it off. When had he ended up the mother of three boys older than himself? "Put on your bloody seatbelt, Jamie. And Peter put that away before security freaks and confiscates it."

Everyone was silent as the plane touched down. Remus was left wondering if it was actually a good idea spending the summer months on their own, especially with Remus being the only sane one amongst the lot. They were spending the summer in the states, driving across the country in an RV. It had been James' idea and Sirius had funded most of the expedition, renting the RV and buying the plane tickets with the money his parents had all but thrown at him when they heard they could be rid of him all summer before uni. They were to meet up with the Potters' in California in five weeks. Peter would then catch a plane back home and James would stay with his parents, leaving Sirius and Remus with six more weeks to drive the RV back to New York and catch their own plane home. All summer it was just the marauders and no adult supervision. His father had been reluctant to let him leave, especially with how sickly he could be sometimes, but Remus had insisted on one last hurrah before uni and adulthood.

"Can I have my phone back _now_?"James whined as they piled into a taxi. Remus sighed and handed it back.

"Are you really going to spend all summer moping over your phone and Lily's texts? You'll see her in five weeks."

James adjusted his glasses with a huff. "I'm not moping, Moony. I just miss her. You might know what that was like if you ever dated."

Remus just rolled his eyes and gave the cabbie the address. When they arrived, Sirius paid the deposit on the RV with his family's credit card, smirking.

"What's the limit on that card anyway?" Peter asked, once again eating candy from his pocket.

"I don't know." Sirius grinned, running a hand through his long hair. "I'm hoping to find out."

The RV was larger than Remus had expected. It had a full sized bed and two tiny bunk beds. A fold away table fit in front of a small couch and a small satellite TV and a microwave sat on top of some cabinets, all of that tucked behind a driver and passenger seat. It was a fairly small area but they'd all shared a dorm for the past seven years at their boarding school and were quite used to sharing space. Sirius flopped onto the full bed, leaving the other three to fight over the bunks. James literally climbed over Peter into the top bunk and Peter managed to spill M&Ms all over the bottom one, thus claiming it for himself.

"Oh, come on guys! Don't make me share with Sirius. He's like a bloody fucking octopus." Sirius just cackled from behind him.

"Exactly why I won't be sharing with him, Moony." James grinned. "I must stay pure for my Lily."

"Sorry, Remus. You know I can't sleep with someone that close." Peter offered up a shy smile in apology.

"Besides, Remus, you're the one who could use a bunk mate." James cackled, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Sirius chucked a pillow at his friends head.

Remus groaned, "Fine, with one condition!" He turned to Sirius. "No bringing your hook ups in here."

Sirius gasped, looking incredibly offended. "I'd never cheat on you, Moons, our bed is the sacred space of our love. How could you think so lowly of me?" He was struggling to hide his grin.

"Because last month you brought that blonde Ravenclaw up to the dorms and made out with her on _my_ bed when yours was right there." Remus crossed his arms. James was lost in his phone again and Peter was simply watching them bicker with an amused grin.

"I told you I was sorry." Sirius pouted, looking up at his friend through his eyelashes and knowing damn well that Remus was hard pressed to deny him anything with that puppy eyed look of his.

Remus sighed, his annoyance fading easily. "Yeah, yeah, you were pissed. I know." Remus settled himself on the sofa with a book, it was surprisingly comfortable considering how old it had looked. Sirius joined him, head on his lap. Remus ran his hands though those silky black locks as he read. It was their usual routine, had been for years. Sirius would lay in Remus' lap, sometimes reading his own book or even dozing. This time he lay on his back with his sketchbook propped up on his bent knees, drawing pencils in various colors lying across his chest.

Sometimes Remus thought that Sirius must have been a dog in a past life. He was just so peppy and affectionate, always happy to see them and always willing to do whatever it took to make them happy as well. At first he'd been so uncomfortable with even the simplest touch, flinching from Remus resting a hand on his shoulder or James attempting to ruffle his hair. Remus knew it was because he'd never received a gentle touch at home. But once he'd settled down and realized that they'd never hurt him, he'd grown comfortable with it, reveling in their affections.

Now it was rare for him _not_ to be touching at least one of them. He'd throw an arm over their shoulders or loop their arms together as they walked. He'd flop onto their beds whether they were awake or not. And he seemed to adore it when Remus petted his hair and would fit his head onto Remus' lap whenever and wherever they were, no matter what he was doing.

Sirius was also terrified of thunderstorms, he'd once told Remus after he'd found the boy, eleven at the time, huddled under his bed that it was because his mother locked him outside in a storm once when he was five because he'd woken her up frightened by the thunder. After that he'd offered his own bed to Sirius when it stormed. And James did the same when Remus was away at the hospital or visiting home. That's why they all knew that Sirius was a disaster to sleep with. He would tangle their legs together and wrap himself around the other person's body. And it didn't help that the man was a bloody furnace, rendering all blankets useless.

Privately, Remus was a little pleased that he'd have an excuse to sleep next to his best friend. It was Remus' deepest held secret that he loved thunderstorms simply because it meant the dark haired man crawling into his bed, shaking. He felt horribly guilty every time because of the joy that slid through him when he was able to wrap his arms around his friend and bury his face in his hair. Sirius always smelled like smoke and spices. It was intoxicating and he always knew he's smell it on his sheets for days after. No, having to sleep in the same bed with his friend for the next five weeks was both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because it was a damned dream come true and a curse because he was going to have to be damned bloody careful not to give away his secret.

It was several hours later when someone finally broke the silence. "Moony?" Sirius was quiet, barely even audible over Peter's snores from the back. "If you really don't want to sleep with me, I can switch with James. Or take the couch." He sounded forlorn, as if running it over in his head the entire time.

"Don't be daft, Pads. You've slept in my bed plenty."

"Only because I'm a big baby."

"It's really not a big deal." He was suddenly sobered by the thought of sleeping in such close confines with James and being kicked all night. "Come on, Pads, what's wrong?"

"I'm not a bother am I?"

"Of course not. Did you get into another fight with your mum? Is that what this is?"

"No, Regulus. He said you just put up with me out of pity." He made to get up, not meeting Remus' eyes. Remus tangled his fingers in dark hair, preventing him from moving away. Silver eyes flickered up to meet his own, wide and shocked. It was a look Remus filed away for later, when he was alone.

"Don't even think that, Sirius. We put up with you because we love you. You're a marauder! Regulus is just jealous that you found a better family than that lot. Don't let him get to you."

Sirius smiled up at him, raising a hand to ruffle sandy curls. "Thanks, Moony."


	2. Complications

Sirius lay awake, looking at the stars out the window next to the bed. They were parked in a field surrounded by other people in cars, tents, and even sleeping on the ground. It was a two day music festival and they'd decided to stay for it. James and Peter had passed out hours ago from too much alcohol. Apparently no one cared about drinking ages in the middle of nowhere. Sirius hadn't had enough to get drunk. He hadn't gone off with the pretty blonde who all but threw herself at him. He hadn't even considered the sexy, dark skinned man who'd been eyeing him up from across the fire. Instead he'd come back to find Remus, curled up in their bed with a book and dark rimmed eyes. He hadn't been feeling well and Sirius couldn't focus on anything when Remus wasn't well, even when the taller boy declared he was just fine.

Remus had been surprised to see him back only an hour after they'd left to join the bonfire. He looked around as if expecting Sirius to have brought someone back with him. He had to admit that had stung a bit. Did Remus think so lowly of him? He couldn't really blame him though. He knew it didn't seem like he cared much. He rarely even visited Remus when he was in the hospital or home sick, even when James and Peter had gone bearing gifts of chocolate and new books. It wasn't that he didn't care because he did, more than he'd ever told anyone. But he just couldn't stand to see the tall, gangly boy looking so fragile in a hospital bed, especially when there was nothing he could do.

So he sat next to Remus and set to drawing his friend. He loved drawing the boy. That's why he never showed anyone the sketchbook. No one would understand his fascination with Remus. Sirius himself didn't even fully understand it. He was just such a good model. His lean body showing perfect muscle definition and in perfect proportions. His curly hair fell just so over his eyes and those eyes were just stunning. They were a warm brown along the outside of the irises and faded to gold around the pupil. The scars that he knew Remus hated cast such lovely depth and shadows that sometimes Sirius just had to drop whatever he was doing and draw the boy. He loved the way the dark lines contrasted against his pale, pale skin. That's why he'd started calling Remus Moony in the first place, because he was as pale as the moon. Remus had named him Padfoot after that because apparently he acted like a dog.

Sirius looked over at his friend. He was sound asleep, unbothered by Peter's snoring or James' thrashing about. His mouth was slightly open, pink tongue just barely visible. His hair was a tangled mess and he was tangled in a thin blanket like it was a cocoon or something. Faint freckles were visible across his nose from how pale his skin had gotten. Sirius had forced him to eat a good portion of the stash he'd known was in Remus' bag. If Sirius Black knew one thing, it was Remus Lupin. And he knew Remus never left home without at least one book and a bar or two of chocolate. He couldn't remember how to pronounce what it was that Remus had, some kind of immune disease but he knew that chocolate helped balance his blood sugar and if Remus wasn't careful about what he ate he could collapse. Sirius had seen it before. He'd also seen the seizures and it terrified him. He hated watching his best friend suffer and not be able to do anything about it. Although most of it had been under control in the past year or so. The doctors finally having found a concoction of meds that seemed to actually work.

Sirius sighed as he settled down to sleep. There was too much on his mind to sleep, but the rain had started beating down on the metal roof. People scrambled about outside to escape the rain, but he couldn't be bothered with them. He slid closer to the warm body beside him. He'd just gotten settled when the first crash of thunder rattled the windows. He couldn't hold back the slight yelp that escaped his lips as he jumped. He could feel himself shaking and couldn't manage to stop it. Remus stirred beside him as lightning lit up the field. At then suddenly thin, muscular arms were wrapping around him and his head was pressed to Remus' scarred chest.

"Shhhh, it's ok. I got you." Remus murmured the words, his fingers brushing through long dark hair.

The shaking slowly subsided as Remus petted his hair and whispered calmingly to him. Sirius let his fingers trace over the other man's chest, lightly following the prominent scar across his hip. He felt more than heard the sigh. He knew Remus hated his scars but Sirius loved them. He saw them as proof of Remus' strength. Remus thought they made him ugly, so he hid his body under layers of clothing and let his curls and large glasses hide his face. Although Sirius found the excessive clothes and the wild curls adorable, he found the scars to be sexy and intriguing. Even knowing the causes behind the scars, he found them fascinating. He dreamed of tracing each and every scar that marred his friend’s body with light touches followed by lips. He could make Remus feel beautiful because he was. It was to those thoughts that he drifted off to sleep, surrounded by the scent of his best friend.

 

***

 

It was the last night of the music festival and they were seated around a bonfire. Sirius took the last drag off of a cigarette before tossing the butt into the blaze. A scrawny guy across from him was strumming a guitar while his friend sang some awful rendition of a Green Day song. A blonde was chatting with Remus about music,

“Can you sing?” She asked.

“Are you kidding, he’s great.” Sirius leaned in the join the conversation. “I always said we ought to start a band.”

She grinned, barely sparing him a glance. Her eyes were all for Remus. If only she knew that she was barking up the wrong tree with that one. Remus had a boyfriend back home, a douchebag in Sirius’ not so humble opinion, but a boyfriend none the less. Remus had come out to them all in fifth year, he’d been crazy nervous about it too, as if they’d care that he liked men instead of chicks. Sirius himself played for both teams, though he’d never necessarily came out, he just brought boys around as often as girls.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Sirius asked.

“Arabella.” She smiled.

Sirius nudged his friend. “We’ve got the perfect song for you, then, eh Remus?”

“If you want me to sing then you’d best past me that bottle.” Remus grinned, already a bit tipsy, and snatched the whiskey bottle from Sirius’ hands.

“Yo, James grab my guitar would you?” He hollered at his friend who was just stepping out of the trailer. James simply nodded, turning back.

The girl was hushing the group and everyone fell quiet when James handed Sirius his guitar, a set of drumsticks in his own hands. He quickly started playing, James recognized the song, it was one of Remus’ favorites after all, and started a beat on his thighs. Sirius started singing, his voice flowing out in the open space. Remus joined in quickly after that. His voice blending seamlessly with Sirius’ own.

“My days end best when the sun gets itself behind that little lady sitting on the passenger side. Its much less picturesque without her catching the light. The horizon tries but it’s just not as kind on the eyes….as Arabella.”

People around them were watching with grins on their faces. Sirius knew they were good, but he had to admit that Remus put on quite a show when he let loose enough to sing in front of other people. His eyes fluttered shut and his body swayed lightly with the music. His voice was a lovely tenor. It made Sirius happy to listen to it.

“Have one of those”

“Organic” Sirius acted as back up.

“Cigarettes that she smokes.” They bounced back and forth, grinning at one another.

“She wraps her lips.”

“Round the Mexican Coke.”

“Makes you wish.”

“You were the bottle.”

“Takes a sip.”

“Of your Soul.”

When the song ended, they were breathless and giggling. Remus leaned back against him and Sirius had to think this was a perfect day. Eventually the party started to die down, Remus and Peter went to the trailer to crash. James was once again lost in his phone, sending pictures to Lily.

“You’re lucky, you know?”

Sirius looked in surprise to see the blonde who’d been talking to Remus. “How’s that?”

“Landing a guy like that.” She had a sad smile, like she was one of those who believed all the good men were gay or taken.

“What? Remus and I aren’t together.”

She looked surprised. “Huh, could’ve sworn with the way you looked at each other.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you look at him like he’s the best damn thing in the world, and from what I’ve seen of him he just might me.”

Sirius shrugged, “But he looks at me?”

She smiled, “When you’re not looking, yeah. He looks at you like you infuriate the living hell out of him, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. I really thought you two were a things. Maybe I’m just losing my touch. Anyway, I better go. Nice to meet you.” And she was gone, leaving Sirius to sit and think about Remus looking at him and what that might mean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The illness Remus has isn't based off of any actual illness. I really just made it up to use symptoms reminiscent of Lucanthropy. 
> 
> Also the song Sirius and Remus sing here is Arabella by The Arctic Monkeys. If you don't know them go check them out, they rock.


	3. Subtle Changes

Remus was staring in awe, he knew. James and Peter were wearing the same expression though. Sirius looked up at them in confusion. “What?”

James was the first one to speak. “You just turned down that girl’s number and a sure thing tonight.”

Sirius just shrugged, focusing back on the burger in front of him. Remus looked over at James, meeting his friend’s shocked gaze. Sirius had been acting weird for the past two weeks, ever since the music festival. Sirius hadn’t flirted or hooked up with a single person. He hadn’t even had a smart comment when Remus had informed him that he and Fenrir Greyback had broken up. Sirius had hated the man for the entire year that he and Remus had dated. Remus had expected Sirius to celebrate the break up. Instead he’d asked if Remus was okay and went back to drawing whatever it was he’d been so intent on.

The dark haired man was being unusually quiet lately and it was leaving Remus a little unsettled. Something had to be bothering his friend and for some reason he wasn’t talking about it with his friends. Remus figured that if he wasn’t acting normal by the time they reached the Potters’ he’d confront him. Hopefully Sirius would get over whatever it was by then.

That night Remus tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Eventually he gave up and left the warm bed, disentangling himself from Sirius’ arms. The dark haired boy mumbled something in his sleep before rolling over and cuddling a pillow. Remus sat on the edge of the bed watching him. He listened to Peter’s snores and James’ thrashing as he watched the gentle rise and fall of Sirius’ chest. He had a hand tangled in his own messy hair, the rest of it sprawled across the pillow. He looked a lot younger when he was sleeping. It took Remus back to when they were fifteen and he’s realized for the first time that he was in love with his best friend.

Thinking on that memory he slipped from the vehicle and crawled up onto the roof. He laid out on a blanket and stared up at the stars. It had been fifth year and Remus had stayed at school over the holidays with Sirius, who couldn’t go home and hadn’t wanted to inconvenience the Potters. It had stormed horribly that night, leading to Sirius crawling into Remus’ bed in the middle of the night. Sirius had tangled them together and the blankets had fallen to the floor. Remus woke up that morning to a face full of black hair and an arm full of Sirius Black. He’d looked down and his breath was stolen by the sight of Sirius’ head resting on Remus’ chest. Pale, scarred skin a deep contrast with the other boy’s tanned tone and shock of dark hair. It was then that he realized he was in love with the boy, his best friend. He thought at first that it was just a stupid crush; that it was just teenage hormones and it would fade away quickly enough. It never did though and to this day he was head over heels for the lovable idiot. He knew he should tell him, confess his feeling, but he didn’t have the courage to risk his friendship.

Somehow Sirius had become everything to Remus. He was the sun of Remus’ entire solar system and the very thought of losing that was terrifying. They were supposed to be moving in together after the summer while Remus went to school and Sirius got a job and was likely disinherited when he told his parents that he wasn’t going to university. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to be with Sirius, had for a long time, but he doubted Sirius would ever think of him the same way. It would break his heart if he came clean and it ruined their friendship.

“Thought I’d find you up here.” Sirius’ voice made him jump. The dark haired boy crawled up to join him on the blanket, handing him a cup of hot tea. “What are you doing?”

Remus leaned his head on his friend’s shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep, too much on my mind I guess.”

“You ok?”

Remus just shrugged, “Yeah.”

“Moony…”

“You’re the one that’s been acting weird, Pads.” So much for waiting to confront him about it.

“I’m sorry, Moony.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. This girl said something at the music festival that just threw me off I guess.”

“What’d she say?”

Sirius shook his head, “Nothing.”

“It obviously upset you.”

“No, no, it just got me thinking.”

“About what?”

Sirius looked at him for a long moment and Remus was just beginning to think that he wouldn’t get an answer when he leaned up to press their lips together. It was a sweet, chaste kiss. Sirius was beaming at him when they broke apart.

“I…but…ugh…”

“Shut up, Remus.” Sirius laughed, pulling Remus’ back down to rest against him. Remus did as he was bid, settling his head against the other’s shoulder and staring up at the sky. They were parked along a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, so no light interrupted that of the stars and the waning moon.

“Sirius?” He said after a long, comfortable silence.

“Hmm?”

“Tell me about the stars?”

He didn’t have to look to know the grin spreading across the other boy’s face. The Black family where all named after stars and constellations. Sirius often said his knowledge of astronomy was the only good thing his family gave him. Remus lie against the warm body of his friend as he talked, pointing out different constellation. He wasn’t really listening to the words, instead just enjoying the warm cadence of his voice. It was something he found himself doing a lot actually, spacing off as Sirius talked. His friends thought him tired or spacy but it was really his love for the dark-haired boy’s voice. When he was passionate about something, Sirius had boundless energy and he could talk for ages. It’s why he always made Sirius tell him about the stars, even though it was the same information over and over. Neither of them seemed to mind though. Eventually he drifted off, warm and comfortable with a happy grin still on his face.

He was woken by James shrieking their names. He poked his head over the edge of the camper to see the messy hair of his friend. The smell of food coming from inside told him Peter was awake as well. Sirius jumped over the edge, tackling James to the ground with a shout.

“Bloody hell, you ponce!” James shouted, shoving the other boy off him and straightening his glasses. Sirius lay on the ground laughing, his hair a mess falling about his grinning face. Remus watched with a smile. “What’re you two doing up there?”

“We fell asleep stargazing.” Remus answered as he climbed down, much less recklessly than Sirius.

“ _You_ fell asleep and left me with no choice but to sleep outside. You wouldn’t get off me.” Remus felt his face heat up at the words, though the laughing tone said it wasn’t meant to offend.

James laughed, ruffling Sirius’ already messy hair. “Yeah, right. We all know you’re the cuddler, Pads. Now let’s get moving. I want to see Lily.”

The next few days passed easily as they made their way to California. Sirius began acting more like himself again, much to everyone’s pleasure. He continued to brush off the girls who tried to flirt with him though, catching Remus’ eye each time as if to make sure that he’d seen. It made him smile to see those dark eyes meet his, knowing that Sirius was thinking of him instead of those girls. It was like a dream come true.

James insisted on driving through the last night, so the others were woken by excited shrieks as Lily and James embraced on the front lawn of a beautiful beach home. In the background the ocean was just visible meeting the horizon. Mrs. Potter hugged them each in turn and ushered them all inside where a large breakfast waited at the table. They all dug in happily as they waited for James and Lily to stop snogging and join them.

“Lily is staying in one of the guest rooms, so you boys will have to split up. One of you can stay in James’ room and the other two can have the other guest room.”

“Alright, who’s joining me?” James asked through a mouthful of bacon.

“Not it!” Sirius and Remus chorus, Peter shouting it a moment later.

“Sorry, Pete.” Sirius grinning.

“Awww, come on! He kicks in his sleep.”

“And you snore horribly.” James shot back, but it lacked true venom. “Besides you’re leaving in a couple days anyway.”

“Oh fine.” Peter pouted, but it didn’t last long as Mrs. Potter placed a fresh plate of sausage on the table. It was like they’d never left school, all of them sitting around a table chatting amicably. Lily and James held hands under the table, shooting each other happy looks. Peter was piling his plate high, groaning in ecstasy at home cooked food after weeks of greasy dinners and fast food. Sirius was regaling Mr. Potter with exaggerated stories of what they’d been up to over the past few weeks. Mrs. Potter was fussing over Remus, telling him he was too thin and piling more food on his plate. It was nice. Remus didn’t get the happy, loving family gig all that often. He knew his father loved him, but they didn’t have much money so Lyle Lupin spent most of his time working and Remus had lost his mother quite early in life. That’s why he enjoyed visiting the Potters, because they always made him feel like he was part of the family and Remus had never really known what that was like. He knew it was much the same for Sirius, who spent most every school break with the Potters to avoid his own horrid family.


	4. Intermission

Sirius sighed as he looked over at Remus, reading a book beneath an umbrella. He shook his head, damp hair falling about his face until he brushed it away. They’d been at the beach all morning and Remus hadn’t left his spot. Sirius wasn’t going to let it continue.

“Come on, Remus!” He flopped into the sand beside the tawny haired boy, sand flying everywhere.

“Sirius!” He cried, shaking the sand from the pages of his book.

“You’ve been sitting here all day _reading_! You can do that any day, but today we’re at the _beach_!” Sirius pointed to where Lily and James were splashing each other with water. Peter was being buried in the sand by a group of giggling girls. Sirius put on his best puppy eyes and batted his lashes. “Come swimming with me, pleeeeease?”

Remus plucked nervously at his shirt. “But my scars…”

“Are no one’s business. They aren’t important and they don’t define you.”

“You won’t let me say no, will you?”

Sirius grinned, “You know me so well, Moony.”

Remus sighed, “Fine, but you owe me.”

“Deal.” He shouted, clutching Remus’ arm and dragging him to his feet. Glancing around Remus pulled the shirt over his head and they both ran for the water. By the time they finished their wrestling match in the water, James and Peter were organizing a volleyball game.

“Whoa, man what happened to you?” A blonde man asked, looking at the scars the littered Remus’ chest. The responses were instantaneous from the rest of the Marauders. It had become a game amongst them to come up with the most extravagant and ridiculous answers whenever someone asked about Remus’ scars.

“Bear wrestling.” James responded.

“Knife fight.” Peter answered.

“Werewolf attack.” That was Sirius’ go to answer because he thought it fit well with the name Moony. Lily simply rolled her eyes at them and the guy looked more than a little confused.

 

*******

 

“Here’s to us.” James said, raising a bottle. The five of them were crowded together on James’ bed and passing around a bottle of whiskey. James was leaning against the headboard with Lily curled up between his legs. Peter sat stretched out at the foot of the bed while Remus and Sirius were leaning up against each other.

“To the future.” Lily said, taking a swig before passing the bottle to Remus.

“To new adventures.” Remus smirked, he was already a bit tipsy, as were Peter and Lily.

“To disappointing my family!” Sirius laughed, drinking heartily.

“To the best summer ever.” Pete giggled.

“Alright, alright.” Lily said, taking the bottle away. “Everyone off to bed. We’ve got to be up early tomorrow to drop Pete at the airport.”

They all grumbled about it, but did as she said. Peter rolled off the bed to the nest of blankets and pillows he’d made on the floor. Lily slipped off to her room down the hall and Remus and Sirius went to theirs in the opposite direction.

Sirius lie awake for a long time.

“Moony?” He whispered, unsure if the other boy was still awake.

“What is it?” He murmured, sounding half asleep.

“Never mind.”

“Sirius, what is it?”

“You don’t hate me do you?” He knew it was a stupid worry, but they hadn’t even talked about the kiss they’d shared, let alone had another. It was worrying him incessantly. What if Remus hadn’t liked their kiss? What if he’d decided he didn’t like Sirius now that his feelings were known? Sirius wasn’t usually one to second guess his actions, but this was possibly the most important thing he’d ever done and he didn’t want to scare away Remus. Remus mattered more than anything.

“Course not, Pads.”

“Ok.”

Remus sighed and rolled to face him. With a fistful of Sirius’ Pink Floyd t-shirt he drug the boy forward to press a harsh, alcohol flavored kiss to his lips. “Now go to sleep already.”

Sirius drifted off with Remus’ warm body pressed up against him. He slept surprisingly well too with a face full of sweet smelling hair. It may have partly been the alcohol, but also the knowledge that Remus did still care for him. He finally felt at ease.

 

*******

 

It rained as they dropped Pete off at the airport. The short boy cried as he hugged them goodbye, as if he wouldn’t see them all in another month and a half. When they returned to the Potters’ beach house they solemnly loaded up the RV with food and their freshly washed clothes. Lily and Mrs. Potter embraced them both. James lectured them on how to get the best mileage, as if Sirius cared how much he charged to his parents’ credit card. Mr. Potter insisted on giving them a few bills. Eventually they had to accept the gift in order to get on the road.

Remus took first shift driving and Sirius sat passenger seat. He played music and watched the sun shining through the windshield on his friend. The sun brought out the red flecks in his dirty blonde curls and his eyes shone with contentment as he sang along to the music blasting from the speakers. Wind drifted in through the open windows blowing both their hair about. Sirius batted his hair out of his face, ignoring the knots that were tangling in his long locks. He knew Remus would insist upon brushing the knots out before they went to bed. For years Remus had been the one who took care of Sirius’ hair. Sirius was content to just wash it and let it do what it wanted, but Remus always insisted on brushing the tangles out each night. Sometimes he even braided it down his back, leaving it in long waves when he took it out in the morning.

“What’re you grinning at?” Remus asked, glancing at him out of the corner of bright amber eyes.

“Nothing.” He smiled, dragging on his cigarette. He exhaled the smoke from his nose in twin jets that dispersed into the wind.

“You sure?”

“Is it so odd for me to be happy?”

“Well we aren’t going to see Pete, James, or Lily for a month and a half.”

“Yeah but I get you all to myself for weeks.” Sirius grinned at the flush the heated Remus’ pale skin. Oh this was going to be a fun trip if it was that easy to make him blush. Sirius was already planning how best to make him blush dark red. It’d be a challenge to see how far he could go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a short fluff bit. Smut and further relationship to come.


	5. Jumping Ahead

The music pounded in Remus’ ears, his head fluttery from the alcohol. He didn’t recognize any of the music the club played, but Sirius hadn’t given him another option but to dance along amongst the crowd. Sirius was behind him, arms around his waist and breathe ghosting over his neck. He could feel the other’s cock thickening against his ass. He shifted his hips back, grinning at the groan that escaped the other man.

They’d rolling into town the day before and Sirius had insisted they go clubbing. Remus had just thrown on clothes but Sirius had left him speechless. In a pair of leather trousers and a tight white t-shirt he looked gorgeous. His hair effortlessly flawless and with a cigarette caught between his lips the look was stunning. Remus had been tripping over his words, luckily Sirius had just thought he was nervous about the club. Other patrons had eyed up Sirius the second they’d walked in. Women had pushed their chests out, tossing hair over their shoulders when they spoke to him. Men had preened and brushed up against him. It was frustrating to watch, even with Sirius ignoring them. Remus had found himself pressing close, leaning in farther than necessary to speak in his ear, and even resting a hand on the other’s arm when someone was being too flirtatious.

But now Sirius was wrapped around _him_ , hard from being pressed up against _his_ ass, and groaning from _his_ movements. It was a heady feeling. He loved that Sirius was focused on him, especially when all these other, more attractive people who’d made it clear that they were interested. For whatever reason, Sirius was interested in him and Remus was going to enjoy that for as long as it would last. It was only a matter of time before Sirius realized that he could do far better and that Remus was in fact not that interesting.

He ground back against the body behind him. Sirius tightened his hands on Remus’ hips and rubbed against him. Lips kissed up his neck and he let his head fall back to allow more room. He gasped as teeth nipped at the skin.

“We should get out of here.” He whispered in his ear before nibbling on the lobe.

Remus nodded, leading them through the crowd until they’d escaped into the warm air outside. It was a ten minute walk to where they’d parked, but took closer to half hour with how often they stopped to snog against walls. Remus was panting by the time his back met the bed, his brain fuzzy from alcohol and lust and his inhibitions far way. Sirius was above him with a thigh against his crotch and tongue in his mouth. His own hands found their way to Sirius’ pants, tugging down the zipper and slipping inside. He was pleased to find no shorts baring his goal. Sirius broke away with a shout when Remus’ hand circled his cock.

“Fuck, Moony!” He shouted, hips thrusting forward. And then his mouth was back on Remus’ neck, harshly sucking a bruise into the fair skin. He stroked the hard flesh in his hand, reveling in the beautiful noises that escaped the other’s mouth. His black hair was tousled, feathering out around his flushed face.

“Sirius…” Remus whined, desperate for touch as well though he found himself unable to voice his need. The dark haired man seemed to understand though, scrambling to yank tight jeans down his legs.

They both cried out when their cocks rubbed together. Sirius wrapped a hand around them both, thrusting into the grip. Remus could feel his pleasure building. He tangled his fingers in dark hair and yanked his head closer for a kiss.

“Are you close?” Sirius asked, panting against his lips.

“Yes!” He groaned, precum slicking the way as they rutted up against one another.

“Come for me, Moons.” Sirius all but purred. It was enough to tip him over the edge. His come splattered his chest. Sirius followed suit, head thrown back and neck muscles working as he shouted. Their come mixed together, cooling on his shirt as they fell together.

When he’d caught his breath he sat up to pull off the dirtied shirt, wiping them both clean with the already soiled cloth. Sirius slipped out of his pants and pulled the covers up over them. Neither stirred as they fell into an easy slumber.

 

*******

 

Remus was awoken by the sun shining through the flimsy curtains. His head thumped with a hangover and reminded him why he usually stopped after one or two drinks. His memories were still fuzzy, but he blinked through the confusion, unsurprised to find Sirius draped across his chest with their legs tangled together. Brushing his fingers across Sirius’ skin though found that the dark haired man was naked and a quick check show him to be as well. Remus hurriedly tried to sort through his memories, finally settling on the events of the previous night. He inwardly cursed his stupidity. They’d only shared two quick kisses before and then they’d gotten drunk and done so much more.

He looked down at the sleeping man, gently brushing dark hair from his face. He looked so peaceful, his eyelashes dark shadows against his skin and his plush lips parting slightly on each breath. Sirius Black was frighteningly attractive. It made Remus’ heart race with want and fear. He knew he was nothing compared to Sirius and he had no idea what the other man saw in him. He could only hope that it wouldn’t end in disaster for their friendship. Remus wondered if Sirius would be upset about what had happened, he certainly hoped not. His only regret was that it had happened when they were drunk and that Sirius might regret it. His thoughts swept him away as he played with soft black locks and he didn’t notice when Sirius’ soft snores ceased. Lips brushing against his neck, startled Remus back into reality. He looked down to see Sirius nuzzling him, eyes still closed, and his breath caught in fear.

Sirius must have felt him tense up because he paused, grey eyes flickering open to meet amber one with an almost sad expression. “You don’t like it?”

“I…no...it…I…” Remus stammered as Sirius moved against him, his morning hard-on pressing against Remus’ leg.

“You thought I’d regret what we did last night, didn’t you?” Sirius grinned, his voice roughened by sleep and it turned Remus on, like it always did. This time though he didn’t have pants on to hide it.

“Well…”

“Oh, Moony.” He sighed, pecking him lightly on the lips before moving back to his neck. “I guess I’ll have to show you just how much I want you, then.”

Remus moaned as Sirius nipped at the delicate skin of his neck, lips moving down his torso, tracing pale scars as he went before nuzzling the trail of hair leading beneath the blanket. And then Sirius’ head was disappearing beneath the blanket as well and warm, wet suction surrounded him.

“Pads…” Remus yanked the blanket away, needing to see and the sight alone nearly sent him hurtling over the edge. Those plush lips wrapped around his cock felt like heaven and Sirius moaned as he lapped at him, creating delicious vibrations. His fingers tightened in the other boy’s hair of their own accord, but it only drew louder noises and more enthusiasm from Sirius. Movement told him Sirius was stroking himself along the same rhythm as they rocked together. Mouth speeding up, he suckled the head, using his hand to stroke the rest.

“Close, close, close.” Remus panted in warning, but the other man merely drew harder. And then he was coming into the warm cavern of Sirius’ mouth and he felt Sirius’ own release warmly splattering the bed.

“Fuck.” He groaned.

“Maybe later.” Sirius chuckled. “I’m a tad spent right now.”

Remus halfheartedly smacked at him before drawing him back into his embrace. “You’re good at that.”

“I know.”

“Humble as ever.”

“Humble is my middle name.”

“ _Drama_ ought to be your middle name.” Remus chuckled, once more weaving his fingers through messy strands of silk.

“I could never regret anything with you. I always want you, you know.” Sirius didn’t meet his eyes as he spoke, focusing on tracing one of Remus’ scars. “Can’t tell you how many times I woke up hard as hell in your arms.”

“Is that why you always ran off to the loo?”

“Yeah, to wank in the shower.”

“Hmmm, that’s usually what I was doing in bed with your scent on my sheets.”

Sirius groaned. “Why haven’t we been doing this for years?”

“Because I didn’t know you were interested.”

“You had that stupid boyfriend.”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t you. Never even slept with him. That’s why he dumped me.”

“Really?” Sirius perked up and Remus had to refrain from rolling his eyes.

“I was too caught up in you. I just didn’t think you’d ever want me and I trailed uselessly to move on.”

“Glad you didn’t.”

“Me too.”

They fell into an easy silence, both dozing in the afterglow until Sirius’ stomach rumbled loudly enough to wake them up.

“Breakfast?”

“Yes, Pads, breakfast.” Remus laughed, his earlier fears forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me so long to write this. I've been having a bit of writers block, but I managed to fix it. Anyways here's the smut I promised ages ago and there will probably be more to come.
> 
> All characters belong to JK Rowling. I merely borrow them because I love these fucking nerds so much.


	6. Going Home

Sirius sighed as Remus pulled him down onto the bed, settling down behind him. He pulled out his phone, flipping through Instagram as Remus gently ran his fingers through his hair. He used his fingers to work out the snarls.

Lily was posting pictures of the beach, crystal blue water and the setting sun. James posted a picture of Lily, shimmering red hair and tiny bikini. Peter was playing video games non-stop with frequent snack breaks. Regulus was at some music festival with his weird, slimy friends. Bellatrix and Narcissa were spending their father’s money on some shopping spree in Paris. Andromeda, the only decent one of the family, was on her honeymoon. Sirius stared at her picture for a long time. She’d been disowned for marrying ‘below’ her status. Sirius realized that he might be in the same boat soon. He would likely be disowned himself.

Remus, having worked out the rats began running a brush through his long hair. Sirius sighed, loving the feel of fingers in his hair. Remus always insisted on taking care of his hair, mostly because Sirius wouldn’t. He was content to just wash his hair every couple days and leave it to do as it pleased the rest of the time. Remus seemed to enjoy fixing his hair though. Sirius let his eyes drift shut as he felt Remus begin to weave the strands into elegant patterns.

“Sirius?” Remus’ voice was soft and breathy.

“Hmmm?” Remus asked, eyes focused once more at his phone and watching a video of Peter shouting at his computer and the game he was losing.

“What happens when we go home?” The question was soft, barely discernable beneath the light noise playing from Sirius’ speakers. Remus’ voice seemed to shake with uncertainty, but Sirius couldn’t be sure with how quietly he’d spoken.

He considered turning around to look closely at his lover’s face, but he knew better than to move when Remus was doing his hair. The taller boy would insist upon starting over and make Sirius sit still for just that much longer. He set his phone down though, speaking thoughtfully. “We go to our parents, pack up our shit, and move into our flat on the first.”

Remus’ hands went still in the middle of weaving. “No, I mean with us.”

“Oh.” He didn’t know what else to say. He hadn’t really thought too much about what would happen once they stepped off that plane in London the next day. He had just assumed that they would continue as they had been while in the states, but he’d never stopped to consider if that’s what Remus would want. They hadn’t told anyone about their relationship, mainly, Sirius had thought, because they’d been enjoying that privacy and alone time over the past few weeks. Now he wondered if perhaps it was because Remus didn’t really want to carry out a relationship. For the first time Sirius could remember, he actually wanted to have more than a fling. With Remus he wanted everything he could get, but now he was wondering if Remus felt the same. “What do you want to happen?”

He felt Remus tense and then his hands dropped from his hair. The unfinished weave fell apart, strands falling into his face and he shook them away in frustration as he turned to face the other boy. Remus wasn’t looking at him, gaze fixed on the scarred hands clasped in his lap. Sirius couldn’t help but reach forward, drawing those hands into his own and letting his thumb drift over the scars there. He knew without looking that Remus was blushing, he always blushed when Sirius touched his scars.

“Remus, I want whatever you’ll give me, even if that means our relationship ends here tonight and we return to London just as friends. I won’t be happy about it, but if that’s want you want then that’s what we’ll do.” Sirius could feel his chest seizing up at the very thought of not holding Remus again. He’d waited so long to be able to touch and kiss, but he wouldn’t risk losing Remus in his life by insisting they stay that way.

“You really want to be with me?” Remus looked up at him with confused amber eyes, as if he didn’t understand how amazing he really was.

“Of course I do.”

“But why?”

“Because you’re brilliant and amazing.”

“But I’m sick _all_ the time. I spend so much time in hospital. You never even came to see me.”

Guilt flashed through him at the unspoken accusation there. “I wanted to, but it was too difficult for me to see you like that, lying in bed in pain. And there was nothing I could do to help. I knew that if I went there that I wouldn’t be able to keep my feelings to myself.”

Remus looked away at those words, the flush still on his cheeks but there were tears in his eyes. “I’m not amazing, Sirius. I’m a bloody mess. I hate myself most of the time. I stood on the edge of the Astronomy tower more times than I could count, but I never had to courage to jump, to just be done with it all.”

His breath caught in his throat. He hadn’t known that. He’d never have left Remus alone all those nights when he’d insisted that he just needs space and was going for a walk on the grounds if he’d known. “You did? God, Remus I never knew.”

“Of course you didn’t. I didn’t want you to know, Pads. I didn’t want any of you to know. It would just cause you more inconvenience if you’d tried to stop me.”

“Inconvenience?!” Sirius cried out. “Remus you’ve never been an inconvenience to us. I would’ve stood there beside you holding your hand every night if that’s what it took to talk you down from there and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. And not because I felt like I had or some other rot like that, but because I _love_ you!”

“You want?” Remus’ head snapped up, wet eyes wide in surprise.

“Of course. I’ve always loved you, Re.” Sirius smiled. “You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.”

“Beautiful?” Remus snorted, looking at the scars across his hands.

“I _do_ think you’re beautiful, Moons. All your scars show is that you survived something horrific.”

“Yeah, right. All my scars are is a reminder that I almost died in that car wreck, that I should have died.”

“That’s bullshit, Remus, and you know it. If not for you, Lily never would’ve given James a shot, I never would’ve had the courage to stand up to my mother, and Peter never would’ve come out of his shell.”

“So maybe I did a few good things. That doesn’t make anything about me beautiful, Sirius.”

“Ugh!” Sirius groaned, reaching over to dig through his bag until he found his sketchbook. He handed it over.

“You’re actually letting me look at this?” Remus stared at him in amazement. Sirius never let _anyone_ , look at his sketchbook, not even Remus.

“Just look at it.” Sirius sighed. He watched Remus’ face as he flipped through the pages. There were a few random sketches of the school’s architecture, the lake, tattoo ideas he’d thought of, but the vast majority of them were of Remus. There were pictures of Remus in class, reading in the dorm room, sleeping, laughing at James’ jokes, flushed from the cold, and sick in bed. Amber eyes darted from page to page, widening in shock before looking up at him.

“Sirius, these are amazing. Is this really how you see me?”

“Yeah.” Sirius shrugged, a touch embarrassed himself.

“Pads…” Remus swept forward, arms wrapping around Sirius’ neck and kissing him. “Of course, I want to be with you.”

Sirius grinned, letting his fingers tangle in long curls and dragging Remus in for another kiss, over and over until they were both panting.

"I love you, too." Remus breathed against his lips and Sirius felt giddy with pleasure. Perhaps he just might make it through the next few months, disowned or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wanted this to be longer and to delve farther into their relationship, but alas the motivation and inspiration ran off, so I wrapped it up enough not to leave y'all hanging. Maybe someday I'll revisit this, but don't hold your breath.
> 
> As always, I don't own any of these characters. They're the creations of Miss JK Rowling. I just like to play with them.


End file.
